Day 3: Lucy

31 Stories of Faith Adventures

Day 3:  Lucy - My forever faith adventure

It was my first Valentine’s Day as a married woman.  James and I had been married for 8 1/2 months.  I knew something was off.  I hadn’t felt right.  It was a Saturday morning, and I send James to the store for a pregnancy test.  It wasn’t the first time.  Hypochondria runs in my family.  I’m convinced I inherited it, which in itself proves I did.

The test was positive, and I’ll be brutally honest.  I cried.  I was terrified.  Having a child was incredibly scary proposition.  I had just celebrated my 21st birthday the week before.  I was a junior taking my spring semester of business classes at WTAMU.

I hate talking about family planning decisions with people who aren’t my family.  It’s such a delicate, sacred, personal decision how you are going to look at God’s very first command of “Be fruitful and multiply” to the creation He made in His own image.  There are big feelings around pregnancy, from the conception to the cord cutting.  And I honestly don’t understand why God chooses to answer some Godly women with “no” when they long for a child, when I know that He could answer “yes” so easily.

Setting all feelings aside, here is my story.  I decided to take birth control pills after I got married, but they made me extremely overly emotional.  After a few months, I decided to stop taking them.  James and I are not the serious, sentimental types.  We have never had a scheduled married prayer or devotional time.  We would rather spend our time trying to make each other laugh.  But when we made that decision, we sat in our car and prayed.  We told God that we trusted Him to send us children when He wanted to.

A few months later, it was our first married Valentine’s Day.  We went on our date, which included a trip to the movies to see The Wedding Singer with Adam Sandler.  (I told you we loved to laugh.)

The whole day I remember just trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was going to be a mother.  God had given me Lucy.

Becoming a mother has changed me more than any other adventure I can imagine.  Every decision from diapers to cell phones affects me as much as it does my children.

Parenthood is a funny thing.  You have to take control of so many details.  Turns out those babies are pretty helpless and dependent.  Planning ahead, decisions, teaching, learning, feeding, and instilling knowledge about God become your life.  

You become in charge of so much in those early years, that it is very easy to forget that you are not actually in control of anything.  Somewhere around the age of 15, you child reminds you of that fact, and it’s not pretty.

Bringing a child into the world is a huge faith adventure, but an even bigger faith adventure comes when you slowly begin to send your child out into the world.

Lucy will be turning seventeen next week.  I’m in the hairy, messy, weeds of letting go.  It’s not easy.

I feel like we are on a big city road where skyscrapers block your ability to peak around the corners that are clearly coming on this path.  Blind turns around each corner are sharp and jarring.  But the new road is exciting and new with buildings full of possibility.

In this scenario, I want to be driving, but I’m not.  Lucy has control of the wheel.  It is up to her to decide whether or not she allows God to lead the navigation.

I’ve done my main job as a parent.  I’ve shared Jesus with Lucy. 

No one told me how many words would be required of me as a mother of a daughter.  Everything must be talked over at length between us.  When mistakes are made, hours of conversation is ahead of us.  We have talk about God, His plans, and His ways until we were blue in the face.  We declared God’s great works to her.  (Psalm 145:4)

These conversations were important, but they were not what did the job of making Jesus personal to her.

We also did our best to model a sincere faith in front of her as we lived ordinary life.  We talked about Him in our house, outside of our house, in the morning, and at night.  (Deut. 11:19-21)  

But even that is no guarantee that Lucy would choose to live her ordinary life as a disciple of Christ.

Prayer is a deceptively simple.  It is just a conversation with God, but even Jesus’s example prayer is full of deeply loaded words like kingdom, will, and Heaven.  I could study those topics ad nauseum and still come up short of understanding.

Well, we prayed.

There is never assurance that God’s answer to your prayer will be the answer you want, but we are commanded to ask anyway.  (James 4:2-3)

I asked, and God has answered.

I’m seeing the beginnings of Lucy taking ownership of her faith.  She started a Bible study a few weeks ago with her friends.  She took money from her paycheck and bought snacks and workbooks.  She’s starting her first faith adventure, and watching God work in Lucy’s life is so exciting to me.

Lucy prayed to start following Jesus when she was five.  We’ve done ministry as a family our whole lives, but this is the first time Lucy is doing ministry on her own.  I love hearing the little lessons she is learning along the way.

I’m only a fraction of the way through this faith adventure that is eternal.  Lucy is just beginning her young adult life, and the idea of future requires faith most of all.

 

 

 

I love music, so I share a song with each blog post.  It is just fun.  Here's the song I used to sing my baby Lucy.